“My brown eyed girl,” he sings along with the radio while holding my hand, rubbing his thumb along my pointer finger. I smile because I know that’s the first thing he noticed about me, my dark brown eyes. Quickly stealing glances while driving down the windy road, Justin somehow knows exactly where to go without any directions. It always amazes me how we end up at the right place even if we’ve never been there before. This time, we’re heading upstate for a weekend getaway. I found a cute little bed and breakfast online that’s supposed to have great hikes nearby and it’s close to a town I’ve been wanting to visit for a while. The drive isn’t too long, just 2 hours, and we’ve seen the prettiest shades of red and orange on the falling leaves. Fall has always been my favorite season, not just because of the cool temperatures and Halloween, but also because it’s a time to shed any faults from the past year and start anew. After this past spring, it’s exactly what we need.

The place we’re staying is more perfect than we could imagine! There’s a big crackling fireplace in the lobby and the owners are just so welcoming and sweet. They even offered us a personal tour of the place once we were settled in. Our room, number 8, is exceptionally clean and even had a nice note and fruit basket on the counter. Justin and I put our snacks and groceries from the little store in town away. For dinner, we both decided we wanted to keep it simple, so no fancy restaurants this weekend. I think I saw a little pizza place not far from the grocery store which is always a good compromise for me and Justin. As I’m finishing my makeup, I hear him call, “Alyssa, we better head out before it gets too dark.” from the other room.

“Alright, I’m coming…Just let me fix my hair real quick!” I yell back, knowing he’ll be patiently waiting, leaning against a dresser like always.

During dinner, we order some breadsticks to share and he asks me, “What do you think is your number one thing to do this trip?”

Mouth full with food, I tell him, “Mm!…I’ve already been thinking about this one.”

“Oh have you now?” He says, dipping a buttery breadstick in the warm marinara sauce.

“Yes indeed,” I start off. “I would love love love to go on that hike the owners were telling us about! I’m sure the waterfall at the end is beautiful and I’ve been needing to go out into nature more, especially since I spent the entire summer cooped up inside crying and whatnot.”

“That’s a good one, honey,” he nods his head. “I can’t decide whether I want to explore this town or spend some nice time in the hotel more.”

“Well, good thing we have a whole weekend to do both.” I’m smiling as I say it because it’s one of the first truly good things we’ve had to ourselves since the spring.

“Maybe we walk the long way back to see the trees and all the cute stores?” I suggest, and Justin nods in agreement.

He squeezes my hand and I feel an immense relief, like taking a deep breath after swimming to the bottom of the pool.

I think this trip will be really helpful for us.

We walk back along the main street, leaves crunching under our shoes. There’s an occasional breeze, but overall we stay warm from the sun and the takeout box with leftover pizza. After winding in and out of little shops, we only return to the B&B once it’s fully dark outside. The couple who owns the building stop us, and ask if we need anything.

“No, thank you!” Justin and I say in unison, and we both catch each other’s smiles afterwards.

Close to the top, I see something out of the corner of my eye. It looks like a cloth or maybe a pillow, but it was gone before I could register it. After all I’ve been through recently, it could’ve even been just my imagination. Conjuring her into my life, memories bleeding together. I don’t want to freak Justin out so I keep it to myself. Once we get back to our room, it is exactly how we left it except the TV is on. “Honey,” Justin yells back to me with the slightest shake in his voice, “Were you watching anything before we left?”

Distracted by what happened in the stairwell, I’m not looking at the TV and I say back “No, why?” before noticing what show is on. We both stand in front of the television, shocked, as our daughter’s favorite cartoon plays and the volume is stuck on 8.

“Well,” Justin stutters, “This place is old, I’m sure the TV just glitched and turned on by itself.

“Yeah,” I say, holding back tears, “That’s probably what happened.”

“It’s okay honey,” he says in a soothing voice, wrapping his arms around me. “We’re gonna be okay.”

I feel his heart rate quicken, and we both know his reassurances come from a place of desperate hope, and not believing.

Unsettled, I quickly squirm out of his hug and snatch the remote from where it sat on the nightstand to turn the show off. “Can we just go to bed now?” I whine, “The drive made me tired.”

“Sure love, whatever you want.”

In bed, I can’t fall asleep even though I really was tired from the drive. Memories rush through my head and flood my consciousness as I try to shove them away with all my might. I can hear Justin’s deep breathing behind me, so I know he’s already asleep. I toss and turn for what seems like forever before deciding to go to the bathroom.

Standing in front of the sink, I splash my face with cold water and stare off into the mirror, thinking about everything and nothing. What was it I had seen in the stairway? Who turned the TV on? Could what I was thinking actually be true? Eventually, all my thinking and pacing around the hotel room catches up to me and I drift off to sleep before I know it.

Waking up, I am immediately greeted by the sun shining through our picturesque stained glass windows. Justin is already up, making me some coffee in the Keurig in our room. He’s always doing small things like that and it makes me so happy. Hopefully today can be a nice change from all the weird stuff that’s been happening recently. “How about we do that hike today?” Justin says, turning to bring me the steaming mug. “The one with the waterfall at the end.”

“Oh, sure honey, that sounds great!” I say, straining to sound excited. And really, I do want to enjoy this trip with everything in me, but I just can’t shake this weird, nervous feeling. It’s like everything I do is one step in the wrong direction. He brings me my coffee in a mug with a braided handle. It almost looks like a bunch of 8’s, but I push that thought away as soon as it appears. I lean down to take a sip and see my daughter staring right back at me in the deep brown reflection.

Hearing my scream, Justin immediately whips his head around and asks “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” My cries are too garbled and too distraught though, and it takes a couple minutes to get my words discernible.

“We’re leaving.” I say, already up and gathering my things. “I-I just can’t be here anymore. She’s here too.” I’m walking around with no destination, picking things up and putting them back down just seconds later.

“Who’s here?” He says, sitting on the bed, his eyes pleading. “We can leave if you want to, but at least tell me what’s going on.”

“Can’t you feel her? It seems every step I take, she’s right in front of me, pushing me back towards that day.”

“I know you miss her, but c’mon, let’s try and enjoy this weekend to ourselves. No work, no friends, it’s just us honey.”

“I don’t know Justin, maybe you can, but I’m just not ready yet. Can we please go?” I ask, my desperation growing.

“Okay, sure. Let’s get our stuff and head back to the car. We can just tell the owners that we got sick and I’m sure they’ll understand. It’s gonna be alright.”

“Thank you.” I say, quietly packing my clothes from the night before, finally able to get my mind straight.

In the car, it’s hard to believe we were just here yesterday. Driving these same windy roads, though now they represent the twisted feelings in my heart instead of some mysterious adventure. Justin is quiet, I feel bad for making him leave. Who knows, maybe we’ll be back soon when we’re both ready. He moves to turn the radio on, maybe lighten up the mood. As he does, he misses the red car drifting into our lane. He misses my scream and the blaring horn of the vehicle in front of us. He misses my last glimpse of his face, so innocent and pure.

Next thing I know, I’m staring at her. In a cemetery, in front of her grave. The stone looks so old and mossy, I can’t believe we bought it just this spring. She has her back to me, looking at it too. The years 2017 – 2025 engraved at the very top. May Bradford. A daughter, a friend. Only as she turns around can I place what the blur in the stairwell was. Her frilly white dress, a birthday present from this past winter. I realize in this moment that it was the last thing she ever got to open. Now, though, her crimson blood engulfs the entire front, making it identical as the last time I saw her.